My dad loovveeeedddd Father’s Day.

Like adored it.

He loving named it “The best day of the year” and claimed it was “Better than my birthday!”

When asked why he loved this day so much, he’d respond with, “Because it’s a day just for me.”

I always wanted to counter with how his birthday also fit that definition, but I knew deep down what he meant.

He loved being a dad. It was one of the highest callings in his life.

So, this first Father’s Day without him stings with that familiar grief of missing him.

I wanted to honor this day by sharing a letter I wrote to my dad a couple months ago when I was in the midst of really, really missing him.

It’s raw, it’s vulnerable, and it’s a reminder that grief is a journey.

Sending out so much love to everyone this Father’s Day, especially those whose fathers are no longer present here earth side.

Dear Dad,

I miss you. Immensely. Days have gone by, months now, and it still hits me sometimes as a shock. You’re not here physically anymore.

Sometimes I worry about you fading away from memory. I know I’ll always remember you… but it’s as though time has made things cloudier in certain ways.

I miss your smile. I miss your jokes. I miss the way you would always say our little catchphrases. I miss your hugs. I miss your gentle nature.

I’m glad you’re in a good place. A place that means you’re healthy again. Not in pain. Not in ache. But, boy-oh-boy do I miss you.

Sometimes I try my hardest to live like you want me to-to the fullest. But, in all honesty… that’s been lacking a lot as of late. I feel stuck. Afraid to move forward…but I can’t go back.

But, I’m starting to see. That’s not honoring you.

You would want me-and do want me-to chase those dreams. You wouldn’t want me to sit and use you as an excuse.

You’ll always be a part of me. Always. My heart will always be connected to yours forever.

But, until the day comes where I get to get one of those super tight hugs… I will honor you. I will lead a life of my wildest dreams.

I’ll be happy.

For you, I’d do anything.

Love, Claire

Featured Photo by Collins Lesulie on Unsplash