How to Find Joy in Grief: Part One

This summer, someone I absolutely adored and loved transitioned from this life. 

The pain I have felt is huge. This is truly the closest person I’ve ever loss in my life up until this point in my life. 

While waves of true sadness, true despair, and utter feelings of grief have made themselves known, I’ve also found some spots–or lessons– of finding joy in the grief as well.

A Reminder on Joy and Pain:

I wrote this post on feeling pain and joy, but I feel like it’s so important to reiterate…. joy and pain (or grief in this case) are not mutually exclusive.

In fact, when we are living a life filled with more joy, pain is inevitably going to be felt even more because we are more alive. We are more in alignment with life itself. 

During the past few weeks of grief and doing hard things as the awesome Glennon Doyle talks about, I have started wondering more about finding joy in the pain that is grief.

Lesson #1: A Broader Understanding of it All

The other day I was listening to The Heal Podcast with Kelly Noonan Gores (episode #2), where she was talking about death with the spiritual leader, Deepak Chopra.

He said something that struck me.

In their discussion, Deepak talked about the idea that death needs to happen in life. We are not made to be eternal in this life. 

He actually talked about how that’s how cancer cells occur–they are cells that want to be eternal instead of die. They then spread and are ultimately extremely harmful to the body. 

Hearing that, I truly got a sense of peace and joy in how articulating orchestrated things are. 

Change is inevitable– and even more so– necessary to keep this existence going.

When I think about it like that, I truly get a feeling of all is well. Even though, things right now stink. They hurt. There’s pain and anger and lots of emotions that seem so far away from the essence of joy. 

Yet, there is this underlying feeling of below it all-–the joy that is existing.

Lesson #2: Faith and Perspective

I also began reading (via a suggestion from another episode #6 of The Heal Podcast), The Knowing by Saje Dyer and Serena Dyer Pisoni.

The book begins with a look at their experience after their spiritual leader father, Dr. Wayne Dyer, had passed. 

Sharing their immediate grief experience, they shared something that stuck with me. They talked about how their father always told them to imagine when he passed, that he was just in the next room. 

That resonated with me and struck a chord of faith within me.

This is where personal faith comes in. 

Personally, I am finding joy in the faith that I will see my loved ones again. That they are not entirely gone, but merely in another room at the moment. 

Perhaps, that’s where the highest joy comes in grieving that I’m learning for myself. The joy is knowing there will be a beautiful reunion with my loved ones one day. 

Lesson #3: Empathy, Empathy, Empathy

I’ve grown (and continue to grow) in ways that I didn’t even think possible since this family member’s passing.

It’s been a fear of mine to lose this family member. I didn’t know how I could carry on without them in life. How I could ever feel again if I were to lose this special family member. 

And yet, I am. 

I’ve faced a true fear of mine, and while I wish so deeply that it would have happened years later, I am still here. 

This grieving process has made me see resilience in not only myself and family members, but also humanity as a whole. 

Losing someone is an incredibly hard thing. And it’s something universally experienced.

Yet, we are still here. We still seek out good, feel joy, and embrace living. How resilient we are!

Lesson #4: Being Here Now

This grief journey has made me realize and continue to learn the magic of living. I know that sounds counter to grief, but it truly has. It has allowed me to seek out how to enjoy the life we are living now before we enter the next stage of passing one day.

I’m trying to make more of an effort to feel the wonder of experiencing sunrises, sunsets, nature, water, friendship, and lean into every single moment of joy that I can. 

At the end of the day, we will all succumb to death. And while we don’t know what ultimately looks like, it makes it so important to lean into (a la Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now) finding joy in the right Now.

What lessons has grief taught you? Comment down below: